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Sunday, May 16, 2010

But Glamour said I could sleep around!


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I have to admit, I have a guilty pleasure. It happens every month. In my mailbox. At the grocery store. I'm helpless. I try to stop myself, tell myself it's not worth it. But eventually, I give in.

Magazines. Marie Claire and Good Housekeeping, I have subscriptions to. Glamour, Cosmo, and Real Simple I more often than not break down and buy at the store. Sometimes even US weekly or People sneak into groceries, seemingly on their own. Now, more often than not I get value out of these magazines. Interesting articles, tips, recipes, I actually rip out and keep in a notebook, and I do use them.

This weekend was no different. Knowing I was going to be spending some time hanging out at home, I bought Cosmo and Glamour. Now, I can only read the same sex tips so many times before I want to tear my hair out (really, Cosmo. A. Don't tell me that guys said these things. I know guys don't talk like that. B. Come up with some new ones already) but sometimes there are genuinely interesting articles. Not this time. Two articles in particular actually succeeded in disgusting me.
In Glamour, the article was entitled "How to find love in a world of hookups". The basic gist is that women spend their 20's having casual sex in college and continue to do so post-grad and don't actually know how to date.

"Kelly finds herself doing exactly what we did as undergrads: going out with friends, letting loose, and hooking up with cute men she meets at bars. But at 29, Kelly wonders "Am I too old for this? Should I be dating in a more grown up way?"

"No one dates," says Samantha, 25. "It's simply 'Who are you hooking up with?'" Basically, we're all on an extended spring break. Arguably in many ways, this is great for women. ("I'm having fun--and lots of it!" stresses Kelly). Women today have longer to explore their options....With the old rules gone "nice girls don't" and "sleep with him after the third date", the good news is that we have the freedom to make our own. But the bad news is the longer you stay on spring break, the harder it can be to return to the real world. So how do you go from making out in bars to meeting the love of your life?"

The answers were "be clear on where you stand", "talk about what it meant" and "don't forget your wants/needs/dreams". Basically, the article went on to say keep hooking up casually and hope that one of them turns into a relationship.

Quote: "For Samantha, casual hooking up is fine for now. "I like to go out, get a few drinks, and have fun as much as any other self-respecting girl my age," she says. But she does hope that it will lead to something more, like it did for Ellen, 25. Ellen met Carl at a party, they got tipsy and ended up making out on the dance floor. Afterward, he came back to her apartment, where Ellen realized she'd changed her mind about having sex. Still, he spent the night...spooning her. "Who knew this frat boy was such a gentleman?" she says. Three and half years later, they are very much together and very much in love."

So...I'm supposed to believe that I can never make a guy take me out on dates or get to know me, sleep with him, and he'll somehow decide to take me seriously and date me long-term? I can continue moving from guy to guy, never changing my behavior, and still meet the love of my life? No wonder women are so screwed up if this is the advice they are getting. I'm sorry, ladies, but it's time to wake up. This is not true empowerment. This is not self-respecting. This is not healthy, or fun, or safe.

I hate how accepting many girls my age are of the "hooking up" expectation. It's your choice. The girl in this article says "No one dates." But you don't have to live that way. If women decided they weren't going to have casual relationships, that they would go back to the old "rules" where a guy had to take you out, get to know you, make some sort of commitment to you before you would do anything physical with him, guess what? That's exactly what guys would do. And they would respect you more for it. I know this for. a. fact. I know two types of girls. The ones who go on several dates, don't have sex until months in and get into serious relationships. And the girls who give it up after two days of "hanging out" and then are surprised when the guy stops returning calls. My mother, a very wise lady, started telling me when I was about 12: "Guys like the chase". And it's true. Guys don't want it to be easy. They don't want the future possible mother of the children to be someone who fell into bed with any guy who winked at her at a bar. They don't want to think that 100 other guys can say they know what their wife is like in bed.

It's time for women to wise up. You hold the power, you hold the control. You don't have to give it away so easily. Be honest about what you want. There is no shame in wanting a solid relationship with a guy who treats you well. You deserve that. Don't sell yourself short.

2 comments:

Deb Salisbury said...

Good for you! I entirely agree with you.

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