Getting on The Bachelor

I wrote an application for my best friend to get on The Bachelor:

Dear ABC,

I would like to be on the Bachelor/Bachelorette because I would like to make out with some really hot guys. I think that would be awesome. I'm also looking for an easy way to get famous. I love to travel to exotic places and stay in nice hotels on someone else's dime. I'm the next America's sweetheart. People are going to be obsessed with me. If I go on the Bachelor and don't win, I'll totally be the next Bachelorette. Sign me up!! HOTTIES!!! WHOOOOOO!!!!

Sincerely,

Meaghan M. Halley

The Next Bachelorette

P.S. - No fatties!! Or butter faces. Or slimy action movie villains. Thanks. Athletes, firefighters, cowboys greatly appreciated. No argyle. I will not negotiate on that. Cool?

P.P.S. - Hundred thou an episode. In advance. Cash. Plus you pay and televise my wedding. Vera Wang. Honeymoon. You get the picture.

P.P.P.S - I need a clothing allowance and a stylist. A sexy gay man. Hairdresser. Jessica Simpson's. Not Ali's. I can do my own makeup if I get a free pass to MAC.

P.P.P.P.S - My bestie Danielle will be the unofficial host. Screw Chris Harrison. B-O-R-I-N-G.

P.P.P.P.S. - NO JAKE OR VIENNA STEALING MY SPOTLIGHT!!!