Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Puppies Preventing Unplanned Teenage Pregnancy

Is the name of my new (read: nonexistant yet) charity. I think it has a nice ring to it, no? PPUTP, for short.

After many long hours spent watching 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom, I realized that there is a very simple solution to the epidemic of teen pregnancy in this country. And that solution is puppies.


*Please note, while I'm somewhat joking, I'm also kind of serious...**

Let's think about this. Why do teenage girls get pregnant?

1. They want someone to love them unconditionally.

2. They want something cute to name, play with, and dress up.

3. They think being responsible for another living being will be easy and fun.

4. They want to keep their boyfriend around.

5. They can't remember to take their birth control properly.

6. They want something that belongs only to them and which no one can take away (well, except for social services)

7. They want to prove that they are mature and independent

Now, can you see how having a puppy would solve many of these issues?

1. There is nothing better than coming home at the end of a long day of high school and part time work at the Quik Stop to a bouncing, tail-yagging puppy that is ecstatic to see you. Sure as hell beats a screaming, poopy baby.

2. Puppies, while squirmy, are still able to be squeezed into baby clothes. Plus it's perfectly acceptable to give your dog a ridiculous, celebrity-inspired name that no child should ever be saddled with (Mango, Rocket, Denim, Kortny, etc.)

3. Ever stayed up all night with a dog who is throwing up two bags of Valentine's candy? Yeah, I haven't either, but my mom did once.

4. I'm not sure a puppy could get a guy to stay in a failing high-school relationship, but it could offer comfort when he inevitably cheats/gets arrested/gets a girl without a puppy pregnant.

5. This is the best one yet. So a lot of teenage girls can't remember to take their pill, right? If they had a puppy, they could just keep it with the puppy's food and take it when they fed the puppy!! Brilliant, I know. Unless they forget to feed the puppy...

6. Well, I suppose animal control could take a puppy, but I hear they are much nicer than the people who take kids. Plus it won't screw a puppy up too bad to be put in a new home wondering what happened to its original mommy or be raised by grandma

7. Nothing like screaming at a cowering puppy after it has had a horrible accident on the carpet and begging your own parents to help you clean it up because it's making you gag to make you realize you are completely unprepared for true parenthood.


C. N. Nevets said...

I think you've hit on something brilliant and world-changing here.

Deb Salisbury said...

ROFL! This is a fantastic idea! I think everyone should have a puppy trial run before parenthood.